Single Entity

Medievalists say the darnedest things, you know. While studying for my medieval history and medieval literature exams, I keep finding the silliest sentences, especially in books about the middle ages in film. For some reasons, medievalists, especially those who are also interested in film, are way more informal in their writing than you'd expect. Older medieval historians are silly in their own stuffy-prose sort of way, of course. Here is a small sampling:

First, John Aberth writes

But historians are not ones to be dictated to by cranky literature professors.

I really enjoy this quote because this semester I've been the equivalent of the cranky literature professor. Yes hello, historians? It does not really matter who the "real" Robin Hood was. It has no bearing whatsoever on the legend, which has evolved to become a literary thing, whatever historical roots it may or may not have. GIVE IT UP. Ahem.

Next, Fredric L. Cheyette writes

For the word "feudalism" is not a simple universal concept like "table" or "unicorn".

Now, table is possibly a fairly universal concept (questionable: sideboard?), but unicorn? Is "unicorn" really a universal concept? Why bring mythical creatures into this? What an unexpected concept that Mr. Cheyette asks us to grapple with while we simultaneously work out what feudalism is.


Lastly, an essay in The Medieval Hero on Screen describes Lancelot as "beefy but sensitive", which is just hysterical. Lancelot the Beefy But Sensitive. Heh.


Listening to me cackle over my books one time too many, my flatmate shoves "Causes of Acceleration and Newton's Laws" into my hands and says, "Here, read something sensible."

Sensible, indeed.

All right, all right. I am going to weigh in on New Moon/the Twilight Saga, even though it really needs no more discussion.

Yes, I was one of those high school girls whom Twilight was made for. Yes, I read the first two or even three books eagerly, and yes, I was in love with Edward. Now, I understand that Twilight is a literary tragedy, but as a novel for teenage girls, it's really all right (except for the part about making the next generation of teenagers think it's sexy to be stalked a la Edward). But the movies -- especially New Moon -- are just painful. New Moon portrays Edward as a super-intense cool guy who in turn broods and simpers at Bella. The film doesn't at all capture the few good characterizations that are found in the book: we loved the book-Edward for his early-1900s gentlemanly style, his smooth assertiveness, and his almost-too-domineering attitude and...his sense of humor*. None of these things made it into the film (certainly not the humor). While it's a little too much to say that Edward's character in the novel is complex, it's certainly more faceted, interesting, and sexy than in the films.

And that is why I'm now on Team Jacob.

*By "we" I mean "I".

This may be a repeat post, but I don't really care. What I want to post is one of my favorite pieces of poetry, and, I recently found out, one of my Grammy's favorite pieces of poetry. I find that it has all the advice that one person could ever need, and certainly, upon rereading it today, it gave me exactly what I needed to know. It felt like my Grammy had reached out, put the poem in my hand, and led me to the words I needed. All I can say is that it was a surreal experience, and one I cherish.

For my Grandmother, R.E.G.C., 1920-2009,

The Desiderata
by Max Erhmann

Go placidly amid the noise & haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story. ~ Avoid loud & aggressive persons, hey are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. ~ Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. ~ Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. ~ Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. ~ You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. ~ Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. ~ With all it's sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. ~ ~

I have a hard time explaining to people why I love dancing so much. I'm dancing almost all the time, even if you can't see it. If there's music around, I'm dancing. If there's not music, well, it's in my head.

I like to dance because it stops me from thinking, sometimes. And there are times that I want to simply stop what's in my head, and feel that glorious release of moving in exact timing with another person. Letting the music take over in my head until it's just the rhythm and my feet -- no second thoughts left.

Maybe it's the kind of release that people can find in exercise -- it is, after all, my exercise. I think, though, it's more like the goal of archery. You have to stop thinking and let your body take over, because it knows what to do, and the more you think the more possibility of error. The repetition until it just happens the way it should, without thought. Sometimes it's how I work with bowling, as well. Just do it, don't think about it.

Things that I think about late at night:

1) So, plate tectonics. They're totally awesome. (I really wanted to use the word "rad." What era slang is that?) But! That means that continents move (up to 10 cm/yr, which means the Atlantic Ocean could grow a meter every five years. A meter!). But latitude and longitude are based on the orientation of the pole around which the earth rotates, which doesn't move. (Well, the whole damn planet wobbles, but the axis stays the same). So...over time, are those coordinates no longer accurate? Because the land mass has moved? And so, should I bury my life's savings at some location, and leave the coordinates with my heirs to be opened in 1000 years, would they be able to find it? Probably -- that's only 100 meters off. But still, the concept of the thing! That the continents move underneath the arbitrary grid we laid on them! And how does it affect longitude, if Greenwich, England moves? 'Cause that one's completely arbitrary. It's crazy shit.

2) Universe expansion. So, everything is contained, right? The earth is in the solar system, the solar system is in the galaxy, the galaxy is in the universe, the universe....the universe isn't in anything! But! But it's expanding. Only, if it's expanding, doesn't it have to be expanding into something? Explain that one to me. But then! It's expanding faster in one direction than the others! So, either something out there is having some kind of gravitational pull, or something on the other side is pushing back and slowing one side down. Except conservation of mass, people! Scientists already had to create antimatter to explain what they were observing, so what about this? It's craziness! What could just be out there hauling on the universe? Is it some kind of giant black hole thing? Do we really need to care? Is that heaven? It's just wacked.

3) ...shit, there was something else. I'm working on it.... Yes! Earthquakes. Specifically, there are these really cool places on the San Andreas Fault that don't have earthquakes. Or, they have a really predicable, really minor earthquake. We're talking about the region that has city-destroying, overpass-crushing, major earthquakes due to plates sliding past each other, but on the same fault are places that just slip on past. There's clear evidence that the land is moving, it's just sliding right on by -- no trouble. Apparently, the ground there is really full of talc, that uber-slippery stone-powder-stuff. Isn't that cool?!? The theory is that the talc just lets the plates slide past each other!

yeah, those are my awesome topics of the day. woohoo!

I have a growing desire to watch or read all the tragic romantic movies and books that didn't affect me as a young girl. Though it seems somewhat ironic to write this just before my birthday, I have found that with age and experience (mostly experience) comes a connection of emotion that I never expected. As someone who almost never cried as a child, and only rarely as a teenager, it's been a shock, the things that can make me cry now, especially when I know that they wouldn't have caused me to cry only a few years ago.

I thought of this today because I was reading a pretty damn bad romance novel that involved the killing of a dog (it was chasing sheep), and I had to put it down for a while, practically in tears. This made an impression because for years and years, the only book that had made me cry was James Herriot's All Creatures Great and Small, and the passing of an old and well-loved dog. I think it touched me then, and now, because I've had that experience. I held my dog as she died, and I've been there when my cats were put to sleep -- that was a pain that I understood.

What I didn't understand so much was the fear and knowledge that someday, I will say goodbye to everyone for the last time. It might not be years and years from now, but there is always a last goodbye, whether you know at the time that it is or not, and that is a painful and terrifying thing to process. I don't think I was exposed to it until high school, and I'm not sure it was real to me until I was practically in college, so that's almost 19 years of media that I may not have felt to the fullest.

It's a strange desire, because I don't particularly like to cry, and I have no desire to think about the future in the terms of last goodbyes, but I can't help but wonder what I might get out of things, what might make me cry, and what that might tell me about myself.

AUGUST 24, 2009
9:00 am : The butler rings the doorbell and brings in our breakfast, according to the order we put in last night. She wears white gloves. My grandmother and I look out over the ocean as we drink our coffee. I am hungover from the night before: Grandma and I had martinis as the ship left New York and then champagne and hors d’oeuvres in the room, and split a $60 bottle of pinot noir at dinner (where she out-drank me by quite a bit). After Grandma fell asleep, I headed down to the nightclub, where I had a rum and coke while I watched older people try to dance. I saw no one my age, but was flirted with by two middle-aged Italian brothers, Salvatore and Guiseppe, who called me “bellissima” and spoke to me in broken English.

11:30 am : Grandma and I head out to listen to Margaret Atwood give a lecture in the planetarium. High heels, hangover, and rolling waves are not a fortunate combination. The lecture is fantastic, though; Margaret Atwood is brilliant and witty. She discusses her latest book, which I haven’t yet read. It’s a series of lectures about debt from all different angles. I’ve never read any of her nonfiction, so I’ll have to give it a try. We go to get our books signed, but I step out to the bookstore to see if I can get a copy of Oryx and Crake to send to Sylvia, and when I return, Grandma has already got my copy of The Blind Assassin signed. Oh well. I’m told there will be another signing later.

1 pm: Grandma and I have lunch together and look at the shops on Deck 2. She considers buying a $300 Hermes scarf and some jewelry and ignores all signs that say “Fragile, please ask for assistance before handling”. We then return to the cabin to read for a while. Grandma takes a nap, and I end up dozing on the couch.

5 pm: I go to the gym for a bit, where immediately upon entering, I am greeted first by Guiseppe and then Salvatore, who are lifting weights. They kiss me on both cheeks.

7:00 pm: Grandma has some champagne in the room while we get ready for the formal night in the dining room, and then we head to the Queen’s Grill Lounge – reserved for those of us with Queen staterooms, of course, where I decline a drink (still feeling rather hungover) and Grandma has a martini.

7:30 pm: We go to dinner at the Queen’s Grill. One of the waiters from our team pulls out a chair for Grandma, and I quickly seat myself and put my napkin on my lap before anyone can do it for me. I can do it myself, thanks. I try frog’s legs tonight – which aren’t bad, but are quite bony. And it’s strange to think “this is a frog I’m eating”. Grandma gets a bottle of Sancerre. I tell her I think I won’t drink tonight, but I’ll try it tomorrow, but she makes me have a glass. She has half the bottle herself. I can tell she’s starting to get drunk. We chat with the people at the table next to us, a very sweet British couple. They tell me about cheap airlines in Europe when they find out I’ll be studying in Scotland and want to travel around and help Grandma give me a lecture on buying port over dessert. They and Grandma exchange stories about their RV trips. I smile politely and try to think of something to say on the subject. I guide Grandma back to the room afterwards, and realize why she needs a companion. I’m starting to dread three more weeks of this.


12:30 am, August 25: Well, now I can say I’ve tried the pub. It wasn’t bad, actually, although it was exceedingly pretentious, dominated by older gentlemen in suits and tuxedos talking to other older gentlemen, with their wives by their sides. The man next to me at the bar, probably in his thirties, wearing a polo shirt, was the most casually-dressed person there. He barely said “hi” when we made eye contact, and went back to watching the television. But there was beer. Perhaps I’ll go back tomorrow night when I’m more energetic, though. I didn’t go back to the nightclub tonight – I don’t think I could handle Guiseppe and Salvatore’s attentions, and I doubt I’d have fun. I wish someone else were here to keep me company: if Emily were here, she’d drag me out to the nightclub and at least get me out of the room. And imagine the trouble Caroline and I could get up to in sexy dresses with lots of alcohol!